Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
