dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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