So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
