She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
