well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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