When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
