i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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