Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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