i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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