And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
