Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
