Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
