Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
