if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize