So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
