didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
