Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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