and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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