just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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