3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
