omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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