I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
