dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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