Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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