His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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