chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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