Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
