I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
