i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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