It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
