yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
