So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
