I'm drive I can fine osifer
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
