I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
