Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
