i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is it penis luge time yet?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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