How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
