You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
