and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
