Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
