highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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