theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
