Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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