I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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