On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
