i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
