Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
