Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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