I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
