Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
