I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
