Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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