You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did i walk over a car last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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