69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you win again, gameday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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