you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just high enough for therapy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
