Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
